Here is a conversation I’ve had more than once. It goes like this:
A friend: “…And so my life’s been really hard recently. My job stinks, and I just don’t know what to do.”
Me: “Man, that’s tough. I’m sorry.”
A friend: “It’s not your fault.”
FREEZE! Stop talking, and take a look. Obviously my friend’s problems are caused by someone or something other than me. Yet, that friend feels the need to respond with “It’s not your fault,” when I say “I’m sorry.”
Just a heads up – I know it’s not my fault. When you imply that I don’t, it’s actually pretty insulting. Let’s go over the uses of the phrase “I’m sorry,” shall we?
“I’m sorry” is not the same as “I apologize”. Yes, people use them interchangeably when they are in the wrong, but that doesn’t make them identical. “I apologize” expresses remorse over some problem or situation that was your fault. “I’m sorry”, on the other hand, has two uses: one to express regret and remorse, and another to express sympathy about an undesirable situation.
Situation one: I broke your favorite vase.
You: “My favorite vase!”
Me: “I’m sorry I broke your vase, it was my fault.”
Here I express regret and remorse for something I caused. In this case, “I apologize” and “I’m sorry” can both be used.
Situation two: Someone else broke your favorite vase.
You: “My favorite vase!”
Me: That’s too bad, I’m sorry. Do you know who did it?”
Here I’m expressing sympathy for your loss. I’m not taking blame (or credit) for doing it. This “I”m sorry” is NOT the same as “I apologize”.
Are we clear now? Good! Now you know the difference. Infer from the situation what the “I’m sorry” is for – and, if you get it wrong after all this, I might do something I’ll really have to say “I’m sorry” for later.