There’s gross. Then there’s disgusting. Then there’s get-it-AWAY-from-me foul. While we all have things we think are pretty icky, there are a few that I think don’t get enough recognition for their extreme grossness. It’s your lucky (or unlucky) day today, because I want to share with you five things that I think hit the nadir of grossness in life.
1. Discovering mold on food you’ve already partially eaten
Seriously?! I bought this two days ago! I opened it yesterday!
There are certain foods that are supposed to be moldy – blue cheese, anyone? But most mold is disgusting and can be potentially fatal, if the wrong type enters the body. Nothing ruins a good nosh like looking down to see a fuzzy blue-grey patch adorning your otherwise toothsome dip.
2. Cold, clammy hands
You’re meeting someone new. Smiling, you hold out your hand to shake theirs – and experience the horror of the cold, clammy handshake. If their hand is cold, why is it so damp? If their hands are sweaty, why are they so cold? Why is contact with their hands like touching slobbery ice cubes? This person usually is the one who wants to shake hands for longer, too. No offense, but I WILL be wiping my hand on my pants afterward.
3. Mucky lake bottoms
If you like to go swimming in the great outdoors, you know that there are different kinds of lakes. Some lakes have rocky bottoms that are tough on the feet. Some have smooth and lovely sandy bottoms that are a delight to walk on or push off of while swimming. Lastly there are the lakes with mucky bottoms. Why are they so disgusting? Mucky bottoms can hide leeches, weird pinchy crayfish, and are a horror to sink into ankle-deep. However, my main objection can be summed up in three words: rotting animal carcasses. I didn’t include a picture. You’re welcome.
4. Doctor’s office magazines
When you’re at the doctor’s office, you’re already stressed because – no matter what – this isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for you. The actual visit doesn’t gross me out nearly as much as the true horror of the doctor’s office: the waiting room magazines. Much as I would enjoy reading the June 1994 issue of Highlights for Children, the thought of untold numbers of germ-, snot-, and sputum-covered hands that have smeared themselves across the pages somehow mitigates my desire.
5. Benches in the gym locker room
It doesn’t matter if they’re the splintery and lopsided ones at the YMCA or the hand-carved onyx benches of the poshest gym known to man, benches in the gym locker room are off the charts when it comes to disgustingness. No one knows how many moist, naked butts have sat on those benches… and while most STI’s die after a short time, the grossness level is sufficient to make sure that neither any portion of my anatomy nor any part of my gym bag ever comes into contact with those horror-inducing surfaces.
No amount of shininess makes up for its history.
What are some unusual things that gross you out?